Divorce is an emotional time for everyone involved. But did you know that your emotions can also drive up the financial cost of your divorce?
When you’re going through a divorce, your lawyer’s job is to help you reach a fair agreement—one that works for both sides. Good family law attorneys know roughly where your case is likely to end up. That’s because the outcome of most divorces falls within a predictable range based on the law and the facts. But when your emotions take over, your decision-making can shift from logical to reactive—and that will make everything more expensive.
If you are feeling hurt, angry, or overwhelmed, you might push for things that are not realistic or helpful in the long run. You might insist on “winning” instead of working toward a fair resolution. That leads to more meetings, more emails, more back-and-forth, and ultimately… more bills. Remember, you are paying your attorney for their time. The more time they spend managing emotional conflict, the more expensive a divorce becomes.
Emotions Can Also Affect Your Kids
One of the worst ways your emotions can spill over is when you have children. If you or your co-parent uses the kids as leverage—by badmouthing the other parent or involving them in adult conflict, it not only harms your children emotionally, it delays the divorce process. And every delay adds to the cost.
Worse than the financial cost, though, is the emotional cost to the children. Divorce is temporary. But the psychological impact of being caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict can last a lifetime.
What is the Lawyer’s Role (and What It’s Not)
A good lawyer will be honest with you. If they see that emotions are clouding your judgment, they will tell you. But it is not your lawyer’s job to help you work through those feelings—that is for a therapist or divorce coach. Your attorney is there to protect your legal rights, not to act as your emotional counselor. Still, experienced attorneys will often recognize when emotional support is needed and can refer you to the professionals who can help.
Collaborative Divorce: A Team-Based Approach
One option that can help to manage both emotions and cost is Collaborative Divorce. In this process, you work with a team of divorce professionals—including attorneys, a neutral financial specialist, and a divorce coach—who all focus on helping you and your spouse to reach a respectful, fair agreement.
The divorce coach plays a key role in managing emotional stress. Instead of two lawyers writing long, expensive letters blaming the other spouse, a divorce coach can help you talk through those feelings in a healthier way. And they usually charge less than the attorneys.
In a high-conflict or traditional courtroom divorce, the attorneys might spend hours writing detailed letters accusing the other spouse of wrongdoing. Then the other side writes back. Back and forth it goes. These letters often don’t change the outcome in court—but they do drive up the cost. And guess who benefits? Usually not the clients.
In Collaborative Divorce, the focus stays on resolution, not revenge. The team helps guide the conversation so you can reach a settlement without unnecessary fights—and without wasting time and money.
There is no getting around how difficult the divorce process can be. But it does not have to ruin you emotionally and financially. Understanding how your emotions may impact your decisions—and choosing a process like Collaborative Divorce—can help you move forward with less stress and more control over your future.
Andrew R. Fischer is a compassionate and experienced family law attorney based in Freehold, NJ, dedicated to guiding clients through divorce and custody matters with integrity and a focus on amicable, cost-effective solutions. If you are in Monmouth County, Middlesex County, or Ocean County, New Jersey, and thinking about divorce, talk to a family law attorney who understands both the legal and emotional challenges involved. You deserve a process that protects your peace of mind—and your wallet. Reach out to Andrew Fischer today at 732.865.6653.
My passion for family law stems from when I was a law clerk to the Honorable Teresa A. Kondrup Coyle, the most experienced family law judge presently sitting on the bench in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Monmouth County. During my tenure with Judge Coyle I read through and analyzed hundreds of lawsuits between divorced couples. I watched the stress and trauma caused by trials and litigation. I saw what worked, what didn’t, and developed an unmatched understanding of how cases are decided by judges in Court.
I continue to hone my knowledge of my practice areas through memberships in several professional organizations, including the New Jersey State Bar Association, the Ocean-Monmouth Family Law American Inns of Court, Monmouth Bar Association, the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators, and more. In addition to being a licensed New Jersey attorney, I have received Certification from the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators’ 40-hour divorce mediation program.
Armed with both practical family law experience and specialized knowledge, I’m confident that I can help you and your loved ones resolve your family law issue. I realize that these sensitive matters require exploring all your options and carefully selecting a legal professional whom you can trust to move your case forward with compassion and diligence.
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