Divorce can be a dramatic experience. However, that doesn’t mean it has to be a drama-filled production fit for a reality television series. Often, when divorcing spouses are battling tooth and nail, the only ones who benefit are the divorce lawyers. However, you can flip the script and substantially decrease conflict during your divorce by following the tips below. You can also contact the Law Office of Andrew R. Fischer at (732) 865-6653 for specific information on how a professional family lawyer and mediator can help you.
Accept What You Can’t Change
Like the famous mantra, try to accept what is out of your control and what you cannot change. For example, your spouse. If you didn’t get along during your marriage, it might be unreasonable to expect them to act differently now that you are getting divorced. You can’t control what your spouse is doing or how they behave. However, you can control how you respond. Criticizing your spouse or trying to change them will likely only perpetuate conflict.
Communicate in Writing
By communicating in writing, you:
- Are creating a record for future reference
- Helping to avoid misunderstandings
- Giving yourself time to proofread and modify your message before sending it
Maintain a professional tone and keep communication brief and neutral.
Don’t Engage in Electronic Warfare
While communicating in writing may be helpful, avoid engaging in electronic warfare, such as criticizing or arguing with your spouse over text message, email, or social media. This will create a paper trail and may even be evidence of contempt of court or that you are not working cooperatively with a co-parent. You are under a microscope during a divorce, so you do not want to give the court reason to rule against you.
Strive Toward an Objective Standard
It may not be possible to have a perfect divorce. However, you may be able to achieve some objective standard. For example, if you share children together, your goal may be to have a civil co-parenting relationship. If you are in business with your spouse, you may aim for a positive coworking relationship. Having a professional relationship with your spouse like you would a business associate or coworker may be an achievable standard you can meet.
Take Care of Yourself
Divorce is difficult. There can be a lot of conflict during the process, too. You may be experiencing many complex emotions all at the same time – like anger, grief, hurt, and resentment. Do not underestimate the effect divorce can have on your life. Seek the emotional and mental support you need during this difficult time, such as reaching out to loved ones, taking care of your physical health, and going to therapy to help you cope with these difficult emotions. You are not alone. Resources are available to help.
Be Realistic
Divorce is not easy. It is a long process that can have significant effects on your health, finances, and future. Therefore, it is important to be patient with the process, your spouse, and yourself. Try to take things one step at a time and be realistic about the possible outcomes. You might not get everything that you want right away. Focus instead on the big picture. Try to practice empathy with your spouse who may be handling the divorce much differently than you are.
Look to the Future
Suppose your spouse has cheated on you and has been lying for years. They failed to uphold their part of the relationship and left all the hard work on you. They broke promises. While it’s natural to start counting their transgressions and blaming them for the divorce, dwelling in the past can simply cause more drama than it’s worth. Remember that one of the best things about divorce is that you will be able to get away from your spouse. You don’t have to continue to let them negatively influence your life. Consider if you are doing anything to intentionally make your spouse suffer. Revenge through actions during divorce will usually only cause you more conflict and cost more money. You’ll also be putting your kids in the middle of a battle, and that’s simply not worth the price. Start living in the present and think about what you want your future to look like. Make sure your actions are in line with this goal.
Hire a Mediator
It is perfectly fine to admit that you need professional help to try to minimize the drama in your divorce. That is where mediators come in. Mediators are neutral third parties who use special communication strategies and a respectful approach to help facilitate communications and negotiations during a divorce. Working with a mediator often allows spouses to get an amicable divorce with much less conflict. Ultimately, you and your spouse benefit by being able to have a more civil relationship and avoiding lengthy and costly legal battles.
Mediation also gives you the power to reach an agreement on your own terms instead of having a court make important decisions about your life and your children.
Communicate Through Your Attorney
If you do not believe you can communicate with your soon-to-be ex directly, you can ask your lawyer to handle any necessary communications necessary. If they are represented by a lawyer, your lawyer can communicate with their lawyer. Your attorney is your advocate and can look out for your interests. However, your attorney is not affected by the same emotions that divorcing couples are, which can sometimes cloud clients’ judgments.
Contact the Law Office of Andrew R. Fischer for Help with Your Divorce
Keeping conflict to a minimum can help make your divorce smoother and more affordable. It can also make your post-divorce life easier and enhance your co-parenting relationship with your spouse. Do you have questions about the best path forward in your divorce or how an experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer and mediator can help? Then can get a Law Office of Andrew R. Fischer at (732) 865-6653 and schedule a confidential consultation.
