When the holidays roll around, if you are going through a divorce things can get even more complicated. How do you create joyful holiday experiences while managing your new family dynamics? Here are some tips to help you through the holidays and ensure that you, your children, and your co-parent can celebrate without added stress from your divorce.
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Plan Ahead for Holidays
If you are in the process of getting a divorce, you should address how the holidays will be handled in your custody and parenting time plan. You or your spouse may assume that you can “figure it out” later, but life can change, and what seems amicable now may become more difficult over time. A clear, well-thought-out plan for holiday arrangements ensures you have a backup plan in place if you can’t reach an agreement in the moment.
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Be Flexible When Possible
Even with a holiday schedule in place, it is beneficial to be flexible when special circumstances arise. For example, if family members from out of town are visiting for the first time in years, you should consider finding a way for allowing your children to spend time with them, even if it during your time for the holiday. Prioritizing your children’s happiness and creating special memories for them should take precedence over sticking strictly to a schedule. Flexibility fosters goodwill between co-parents and shows your children that their well-being comes first.
The key to avoiding holiday stress is early communication. Talk with your co-parent well in advance about holiday plans to prevent last-minute arguments. When discussions are late in the holiday season, stress and frustration can build, which can trickle down to your children. By addressing holiday schedules early, you create a calmer, happier atmosphere that allows everyone—especially the kids—to enjoy the celebrations.
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Focus on Your Children’s Happiness
Divorce can bring up difficult emotions but keeping your focus on what’s best for your children should be a priority. If your children have an opportunity to enjoy a unique holiday experience, try to support that to allow for a special holiday memory. It is not always easy to set aside your own feelings, but in the long run, putting your children’s joy first will help them feel secure and loved.
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Create New Traditions
Divorce marks the end of some family traditions, but it can also be the beginning of new ones. Embrace the chance to create fresh, positive holiday rituals with your kids. Whether it is celebrating a holiday on a different day or inventing a fun activity that becomes a new tradition, this can help transform what might feel like a loss into something exciting for you and your family.
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Coordinate Gift Giving
Holiday gift-giving should not turn into a competition. Try to coordinate with your co-parent to decide on gifts together. When your children know that their presents are from both parents, it reinforces that they are still a priority for both of you. Even if you’re not on great terms with your ex, presenting a united front during the holidays will go a long way in reassuring your children that their parents are still working together for their benefit.
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Take Care of Yourself
If you find you are apart from your children during the holiday, make plans to keep yourself busy. Loneliness can be particularly tough during festive times, so spend time with friends, family, or plan an enjoyable activity for yourself. This is a chance to prioritize your mental health and avoid feeling isolated. If possible, maintain a connection with your children through a quick phone call or video chat to wish them well and share in their holiday, even from afar.
While it can be hard to be apart from your children during the holidays, remember that it is important to focus on your own well-being too. And if all else fails, remember: Chinese restaurants are always open on Christmas Day!
