Introduction
The decision to end a marriage is rarely made overnight. It is often the result of months, if not years, of consideration. But once you decide to move forward, the immediate impulse is often to “just get it over with” and file paperwork immediately. As a divorce attorney and mediator in Monmouth County, New Jersey, I often see clients who rush into the legal process without first laying the groundwork. This can lead to increased costs, higher stress, and delays later in the case. Divorce is 20% legal and 80% financial and emotional. Before you file the petition, taking a few weeks to organize your life can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees. Here are the five critical steps you should take before officially starting the process.
1. Gather Your “Financial Snapshot”
In both litigation and mediation, full financial disclosure is mandatory. The court (and your attorneys) cannot divide assets until they know exactly what exists. If you wait until the lawsuit starts to look for documents, you may find yourself locked out of accounts or unable to access files.
Action Item: quiet, discreetly gather copies (digital or paper) of the following from the last 3-5 years:
- Tax returns (personal and business).
- Pay stubs for both you and your spouse.
- Bank statements (checking, savings, and investment accounts).
- Retirement account statements (401k, pension, IRA).
- Mortgage statements and current balances on any debts (credit cards, loans).
Pro Tip: Upload these documents to a secure, new Google Drive or Dropbox account that only you have the password to.
2. Secure Your Digital Privacy
We live our lives online. Before filing for divorce, it is crucial to establish digital boundaries. This isn’t about hiding assets (which is illegal); it is about ensuring your private communications with your lawyer or friends remain private.
Action Item:
- Change your passwords: Email, social media, and AppleID/Google accounts.
- Check shared devices: If your iPad or laptop is synced to your spouse’s phone, they may be able to read your text messages. Unsync these devices.
- Get a new email address: Create a dedicated email (e.g., [email protected]) for all legal correspondence. This ensures you don’t accidentally leave a lawyer’s email open on the family computer.
3. Decide on Your Living Situation (Strategically)
One of the most common questions I get is: “Can I move out?” or “Should I change the locks?” In New Jersey, leaving the marital home can sometimes have unintended consequences for custody arrangements or possession of the residence. Conversely, staying in a high-conflict home can be dangerous or emotionally damaging. Action Item: Before you pack a bag, consult with a professional. If safety is an issue, leave immediately and seek safety. If safety is not an issue, stay put until you have a legal strategy in place. We often negotiate “temporary orders” regarding who stays in the house before anyone moves out.
4. Draft a Realistic Post-Divorce Budget
Many people approach divorce focused on assets (who gets the house, who gets the car) but neglect cash flow. You are moving from one household with shared expenses to two households with duplicated expenses.
Action Item: Create a spreadsheet detailing what your life will cost as a single person.
- What is the average rent in your desired school district?
- How much is health insurance if you are no longer on your spouse’s plan?
- What are your childcare costs?
Knowing these numbers before you negotiate allows us to fight for a settlement (or alimony/spousal support) that actually meets your needs.
5. Choose Your Process: Mediation vs. Litigation
This is the most important decision you will make. You do not always have to sue your spouse to get a divorce.
- Mediation: You and your spouse hire a neutral third party (me) to help you negotiate an agreement. It is generally faster, private, less expensive, and gives you more control over the outcome.
- Litigation: You each hire aggressive attorneys and let a judge decide your future. This is necessary for high-conflict cases or where assets are being hidden, but it is often overkill for amicable splits.
Action Item: If your spouse is open to it, suggest mediation first. It sets a cooperative tone for the entire process.
Conclusion
Preparation is the antidote to anxiety. By taking these five steps, you aren’t just preparing for a legal case; you are preparing for a stable, secure future. Need help deciding where to start? At the Law Office of Andrew R. Fischer, we specialize in helping clients navigate this transition with dignity. Whether you need a strong advocate in court or a compassionate mediator to guide you to a settlement, we are here to help.
Disclaimer
The information contained in this post is for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this post does not create an attorney-client relationship.
My passion for family law stems from when I was a law clerk to the Honorable Teresa A. Kondrup Coyle, the most experienced family law judge presently sitting on the bench in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Monmouth County. During my tenure with Judge Coyle I read through and analyzed hundreds of lawsuits between divorced couples. I watched the stress and trauma caused by trials and litigation. I saw what worked, what didn’t, and developed an unmatched understanding of how cases are decided by judges in Court.
I continue to hone my knowledge of my practice areas through memberships in several professional organizations, including the New Jersey State Bar Association, the Ocean-Monmouth Family Law American Inns of Court, Monmouth Bar Association, the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators, and more. In addition to being a licensed New Jersey attorney, I have received Certification from the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators’ 40-hour divorce mediation program.
Armed with both practical family law experience and specialized knowledge, I’m confident that I can help you and your loved ones resolve your family law issue. I realize that these sensitive matters require exploring all your options and carefully selecting a legal professional whom you can trust to move your case forward with compassion and diligence.
