When you are going through all the emotions of a divorce, it is important to think about how to preserve the relationships that matter most, especially if you have kids. Here are 6 divorce tips for maintaining positive connections with your children and even your ex-spouse.
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Talking to Your Kids About the Divorce
From the very beginning of the discussions about divorce, you should agree with your soon-to-be ex on how you will talk to your children about the divorce. You need to tell them what is happening, but you also want to avoid oversharing or involving them in the details. Priority one should be to reassure them that you both still love them, that they will be a part of both your lives. You also want them to know that they are not responsible for the divorce. Be honest but focus on making them feel secure.
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Staying Consistent with Your Kids
Once you are physically separated, it is important to maintain consistent and frequent contact with your children.You and your spouse should establish a schedule that provides stability. Mental health professionals emphasize the need for consistency in your kids’ schedules—it is not always about the length of time but the quality and frequency of the time you spend together.
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Avoid Negative Talk About Your Ex in Front of the Kids
To preserve good relationships with your children, it is vital not to speak negatively about your ex in front of your children. Children inherently feel they are 50% of each parent. When they hear you speak ill of the other parent, they may feel that something is also wrong with them. Regardless of your feelings about your ex, you need to put your personal feelings aside and avoid letting your kids hear any negativity. This approach will go a long way toward preserving your relationship with them.
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Maintaining a Positive Relationship with Your Ex-Spouse
Although you have reasons for getting divorced, not badmouthing your ex helps maintain a healthier dynamic with your ex. Often, negative comments find their way back to your ex—whether from the kids or through other sources—causing friction that can complicate co-parenting.
Remember, if you have children, your ex is going to be part of your life. They will be there for major milestones like graduations, weddings, and even the arrival of grand-kids. Preserving a cordial relationship with your ex is important for your children. They don’t need to worry about one or both of you making a scene at their event. You should remain focused on maintaining open and respectful communication as much as possible.
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Choosing the Right Divorce Process
How you choose to divorce will significantly impact your relationships. The three most common paths are Collaborative Divorce, Mediation, or Traditional Litigation.
- Litigation often means going to battle, strategizing to “win,” and, unfortunately that means painting your spouse in a negative light. This approach will damage relationships and take an emotional toll on everyone involved.
- Mediation or Collaborative Divorce, on the other hand, encourages cooperation. These methods allow you to keep matters private and focus on finding common ground rather than going to war. Surprisingly, you might discover that you and your ex share more mutual goals than you initially thought, especially when you are in a supportive setting.
Mediation or Collaborative Divorce can make a world of difference in preserving post-divorce relationships, especially when it comes to co-parenting and maintaining a peaceful dynamic with your ex.
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A New Take on an Old Saying: Happy Ex, Happy Life
You have probably heard the phrase “happy wife, happy life,” but there may also be some truth to “happy ex, happy life”. Having a better relationship with your ex will lead to fewer custody battles, smoother financial negotiations, and an overall easier path to moving forward. By prioritizing amicable interactions, you can have a happier, healthier post-divorce life for yourself and your children.
Focusing on these strategies can help you to work through your divorce in a way that preserves the important relationships in your life, ultimately setting the stage for a more positive future.
For more information or to schedule a consultation call 732.865.6653. Our office is located at 1516 Highway 138, Unit 1B, Wall, New Jersey 07719.
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